I can’t stop crying

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I can’t stop crying

Post by DI Burnside @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:24 pm

My closest friend just rang me to tell me his wife has been diagnosed with breast cancer. She found a lump on Wednesday, had a scan the same day and some biopsies taken, they were called in yesterday afternoon and told it is cancer. She’s having another scan this Wednesday to see if it has spread to her lymph nodes.

I am closer to him than anyone else except my wife and kids. I’ve known him coming on 50 years. I introduced them to each other, and she introduced me to Mrs B. We were best men for each other, him for me twice. His parents flew out with me to Gran Canaria when my Dad died whilst on holiday there. Me, him, his Dad and my kids sit together at the football every other week, and go to the odd away game together.

When me and Mrs got ill it kind of happened in slow motion, we found out things over time. It wasn’t much time, but enough that it softened the blow somehow. We had a bit of time to process information before being given more.

This has just punched me square in the face.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Strawman @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:35 pm

Treatment for this has advanced a lot in the last 20 years, now has a 80% survival rate*, provided treatment is started early enough. Chin up Dibs.








*Or something, I'm just quoting from memory.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Freddie @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:35 pm

Very sad, Dibs. Fingers crossed for the next assessment.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Clown Ice Skater #4 @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:37 pm

Oh no! So sorry to hear this, Dibs. Life is shitty sometimes.

It’s obviously a horrible shock, but without wishing to sound blasé, she may well recover? My neighbour is in her 60s and had breast cancer two years ago. She has since made a full recovery.

Wishing your friend and his wife all the best.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Damien Thorn @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:44 pm

Awful news, what a terrible shock to hear. All the very best for them.
Last edited by Damien Thorn on Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Il Duce @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:46 pm

Chill. I had some of the cancer and I've just been put from 3 monthly to 6 monthly check ups so don't despair.
Also I'll do the candle thing for her when I can. No charge either. AND she can cup my balls for luck if she likes.
If she's fit.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by S1K @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 4:48 pm

How horrible. As others have said though survival rates for breast cancer treatment have increased so much over the past couple of decades. In a way it's fortunate for her that breast cancer is quite common because the more doctors do something the better they are at it and they're pretty damned good at treating breast cancer.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by DI Burnside @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:03 pm

Thanks all, appreciate it.

We know the odds are better nowadays, none more so than her as she’s been in the NHS for 30 years and spent a fair few years working in Oncology.

Fingers crossed.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by tanglerat @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:20 pm

Tough news.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Aesgarth @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:22 pm

Ah man, that's shitty. Hope the eventual outcome is a good one. :(
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Turntable @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:30 pm

That’s s loaf of fcuking shit dibs. Sorry to hear it.
And I know that logic of how good survival rates are makes fcuk all difference to how you feel now.
Fingers crossed for you all
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Cloggy @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 6:06 pm

I know exactly how you feel.
I lost my best friend of 45 years 4 years ago.

All the best and good luck.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Doctor Congo @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 10:43 pm

Sorry to hear this dibs. Fingers firmly crossed for your friends wife.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Revol @ Sat Jan 20, 2018 10:50 pm

That is an absolute fcuker Dibs. Here's hoping it was caught early and is successfully treated. Everything crossed for your mates wife.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Disastrous @ Sun Jan 21, 2018 2:50 am

Very sorry to hear that, but as others have said, try and stay positive if you can...they’ll need you! Keeping everything crossed...
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by thekungfury @ Sun Jan 21, 2018 10:32 am

Sorry to hear this mate. Obviously she’s the one sick but you know what it’s like for the family so be that guy.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by minimoog @ Sun Jan 21, 2018 1:00 pm

Shit news Dibs, sorry man.

On the up side, my dear old ma is 10+ years from her diagnosis and 5 from the subsequent all clear, so while it is undoubtedly grim it doesn't mean the end of days by any means.

Best of luck to her and all around her.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by DI Burnside @ Sun Jan 21, 2018 1:26 pm

I’ve been over to see them this morning. They’re just about coping at the minute, but they’re in that period of knowing a bad thing is happening but not knowing how bad or what’s going to be done about it.

More scans on Wednesday and a yet to be arraigned MRI at some point then they’ll work out a plan after they get the results.

She starts a new job a week on Tuesday, with the Cancer Network.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by CJ+ @ Sun Jan 21, 2018 2:50 pm

Can't add much to the above other than to say that all things that need cupping are being cupped.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Deuteronomy @ Sun Jan 21, 2018 3:31 pm

Shitty news Dibs, but if you can survive bad shit, I'm sure a decent person can too.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by foo @ Sun Jan 21, 2018 7:30 pm

Sorry to hear this, I went through it just over four years ago.

Sitting at work one morning my Dad rang me to tell me he had cancer. A common form of cancer, but in a rare position, all in his sinuses and behind his nose. A few major operations (one 11 hours), facial reconstructive surgery and a full term of radiotherapy later, he's in his fifth clear year. He looks different, but he's still here.

Got to try and be positive. I know, it's far easier said than done, but it can be beaten.

Look after yourself too. The stress of the situation (and some others I had no control over in the years since) took its toll on me but I didn't notice at the time. In fact I've only recognised it quite recently, so don't be afraid to get support or - what I'm going to do this week - talk to your doctor if you feel it's all getting a bit too much.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by span @ Mon Jan 22, 2018 11:47 am

So sorry to hear this, Dibs. As others have said, there's plenty of reason to be hopeful. But yes, I suppose probably nothing that makes you or your friends feel any better at the moment.

Hope you're doing okay. You must feel like you and yours have had more than your fair share in recent times.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by DI Burnside @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 2:35 pm

He rang me earlier, more positive today.

The scans today showed it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes which is good. It seems to be a fairly common cause (approaching 50, eostrogen levels rising) but it is not a particularly common kind of cancer (he doesn't really understand so couldn't tell me what).

MRI within the next 2 weeks to get a more accurate picture of things, surgery to remove the "lump" within 3 weeks after the MRI. It depends on what day the MRI is, if it's a Friday the the MDT won't see it won't see the results until the following Friday as that's the day they meet.

A tablet a day for the next 10 years to control her eostrogen.

Thanks for letting me say things I can't say elsewhere but need to say something to someone.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by span @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 2:41 pm

That does sound positive. Those appointments when you find stuff like that out must be terrifying beyond imagination.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by DI Burnside @ Tue Mar 06, 2018 3:56 pm

She's in surgery right now, he's doing a very good duck impression and I'm shaking like a leaf.

All the clinicians are very positive and expecting a good outcome, and the odds are well stacked in her favour, it's just a struggle I think because we're of a generation that was brought up as cancer = death.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by CJ+ @ Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:04 pm

All cuppables are being cupped for you and yours, Dibs.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Deuteronomy @ Tue Mar 06, 2018 4:09 pm

CJ+ wrote:All cuppables are being cupped for you and yours, Dibs.


Very this.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Turntable @ Tue Mar 06, 2018 5:14 pm

DI Burnside wrote:She's in surgery right now, he's doing a very good duck impression and I'm shaking like a leaf.

All the clinicians are very positive and expecting a good outcome, and the odds are well stacked in her favour, it's just a struggle I think because we're of a generation that was brought up as cancer = death.


There is something horrible about loved ones being in the operating theatre isn't there?
Really difficult to explain, but a huge sense of tension and unease/fear.
And then they are fine in 100% of cases. Just remember this last bit Dibs!
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by DI Burnside @ Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:40 pm

Surgery went well, they saw the Dr yesterday who told them they got it all and there was no sign of anything in the lymph nodes.

They're "putting all the numbers into the computer" which will tell them if she needs chemo or not, radiotherapy is a definite though, they'll find out in a couple of weeks.

Mrs B rang her last night to see how she was doing to be told that her Mum (our friend's Mum, not Mrs B's Mum) has been diagnosed with breast cancer this week.
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Re: I can’t stop crying

Post by Deuteronomy @ Thu Mar 22, 2018 2:50 pm

DI Burnside wrote:Surgery went well, they saw the Dr yesterday who told them they got it all and there was no sign of anything in the lymph nodes.

They're "putting all the numbers into the computer" which will tell them if she needs chemo or not, radiotherapy is a definite though, they'll find out in a couple of weeks.

Mrs B rang her last night to see how she was doing to be told that her Mum (our friend's Mum, not Mrs B's Mum) has been diagnosed with breast cancer this week.


Bloody hell Dibs, you must due for some good news soon
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