Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

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Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:02 am

Last night I picked up my new car (pic to follow)
Its a 57 plate Land Cruiser Invincible (top of the range) and it is the result of the worst ever budget-creep car buying decision.

I set out to buy a cheap car to carry my family in and something interesting with the rest of my budget. As you know the £1500 patrol came and went so I started looking at slightly more expensive shit cars. I was looking at really old leggy Land Cruisers, high mileage Pathfinders, New Shoguns etc for 6-7k. I went to see a pathfinder and it was just a bit tired and by this time I was getting sick of looking around so I decided to look at slightly more expensive cars and my budget crept up to a £15k Land Cruiser. And then I saw the perfect one that was a new shape 2010 one with 70k for £24k so I just thought 'fcuk it- I will just get that'

So I went to see it and to my surprise I absolutely loved it. By this stage I had eaten so far into my interesting car budget that it was pretty much out of the window so I suddenly realised I may as well just by the best Land Cruiser I could find. So I found this one that was a year old and £34k and bought it.

Since I put my deposit down I made the mistake of googling reviews on them which gave me proper cold feet yesterday, culminating in NNKs opinion that Jeeps were better and an amazing 1-star review by Jeremy Clarkson in the telegraph.
I started quickly looking at alternatives and came across all the obvious culprits again which I couldn't muster interest for and decided to just fcuking do it. Its not my forever car so if I didn't like it as much as I thought, it doesn't actually matter.

So I went nervously to Wales after work yesterday to collect it. As soon as I sat in the fcuker I was instantly reassured. The door weighs as much as a house and shuts with the most satisfying, high-quality booming noise you have ever heard.
I instantly remembered why I have loved it so much. Yes it is fcuking ugly, but surprisingly the more I like it the more the looks are growing on me. You know like that girl at school who objectively was ropey, but was much more slutty than anyone else so your mind artificially made her look fit? That is a Land Cruiser.

The interior/dash looks awful int eh pictures but is actually really nice in the flesh. I cant really explain it. Above all else, though, everything in it is absolutely top quality and the build quality is unbelievable. It makes my old Merc feel properly cheap and it is the only car I have ever been in that I think surpasses my old Phaeton in quality. The steering wheel is thicker than a childs leg and is absolutely perfect. Just everything about it is faultless and brilliant.

And when I say everything, this has more stuff on it than any car ever. It gets criticised in reviews for the complexity of its buttons and gizmos, but that is simply because it does thousands of things and even though I will not use half of them, and they get in my way of finding the things I want - that is a GOOD thing. The 4wd system alone has 8 different buttons AND a massive wheel that turns. I haven't got a fcuking clue what any of it does and I don't care. A single button saying "4wd" is not enough for any man.

On to the drive. The main reason aside from the looks that it doesn't review very well is that it drives like a 3 tonne boat, which is true. Its not purely because I love this car that I say this: I don't give a flying fcuk. I have never driven a large SUV and thought "Wow, this is fun to drive". If anything, the enormity and dodgy handling is a fun novelty, like when you hire a van. So for me it isn't slightly a negative.

Anyway, in short I love this car more than I imagined for one moment. Not only do I feel smug that I have the best off road car in the world that I will never need, I also have an extremely high quality luxury car that floats down the motorway like Monkey Magic on a giant cloud. I am so pleased with it.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Deuteronomy @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:09 am

Didn't read a word of that, no photos.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:15 am

Deuteronomy wrote:Didn't read a word of that, no photos.


Havent got any yet. Picked it up in the dark so haven't had chance.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by HappyGoLucky @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:17 am

Great review TT, happy for you that you're so happy with it.

Of course, you really should've got the Lexus version, but I know that won't bother you in the slightest knowing that there's an even better version of the the great old barge that you drove all the way to Wales to buy.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Käsemeister @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:27 am

Don’t think we get that over here apart from dodgy imports.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by thekungfury @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:39 am

£34k on a Toyota. Shitting hell
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Strawman @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:40 am

Well done TT
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Greg66 @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:45 am

6-7k to 34k.

Yeah, that counts as budget creep all right.

Liking your analogy of the objectively ropey girl whose slutiness drags her up in your eyes. But you do know that all the experienced kids used to chortle at young Master blinded-by-his-slut-eyes, don't you?
Last edited by Greg66 on Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:51 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Clown Ice Skater #4 @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:58 am

Greg66 wrote:6-7k to 34k.

Yeah, that counts as budget creep all right.


Budget creep? That's budget leap.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Paul H @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 11:44 am

Your lack of pictures doesn't help: so I had to google what the thing looks like. Actually, not too bad.

What terrified me was the list price of an "Invincible". New, they are £53 grand: and it would seem based on my survey of 1, that after a year it has lost NINETEEN THOUSAND pounds. That's £50/day.

Between buying it and getting it home you've lost £100.

Between you starting this thread and me posting laughing at you you've lost a fiver!

I hope you can afford it more than you enjoy it.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by S1K @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 11:46 am

Paul H wrote:...I had to google what the thing looks like. Actually, not too bad.

Got one here for you Doctor Congo.

Please make some off-road videos like DaTho's, TT.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Il Duce @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 12:14 pm

Good report.
I searched and you are right, it's an ugly car. I couldn't find one angle/colour that looked good.
I would have to park it around the corner.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 1:28 pm

Paul H wrote:Your lack of pictures doesn't help: so I had to google what the thing looks like. Actually, not too bad.

What terrified me was the list price of an "Invincible". New, they are £53 grand: and it would seem based on my survey of 1, that after a year it has lost NINETEEN THOUSAND pounds. That's £50/day.

Between buying it and getting it home you've lost £100.

Between you starting this thread and me posting laughing at you you've lost a fiver!

I hope you can afford it more than you enjoy it.


The only reason it has done that is because a new shape has just come out so it is a bit of an anomaly. They actually hold their prices bizarrely well, much better than any other large SUV. Forex the one I went to buy initially was 8 years old, 70k and was still £24k and that wasn't the highest spec car. It was still worth half its value after 8 years in other words. Added to which this was cheaper than any others by several thousand pounds so it is not really representative.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Doctor Congo @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 10:37 pm

S1K wrote:
Paul H wrote:...I had to google what the thing looks like. Actually, not too bad.

Got one here for you Doctor Congo.

Please make some off-road videos like DaTho's, TT.


Lol yes, it seems my surgery will be very busy today....
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by deev @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 11:39 pm

For some reason they remind me of a toaster.
Image
landcruiser
Image
toaster
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by foo @ Wed Jan 24, 2018 11:57 pm

Look forward to the photos TT. If there's any want, I'll tell you all about my 100 in another thread.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Damien Thorn @ Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:34 am

foo wrote:Look forward to the photos TT. If there's any want, I'll tell you all about my 100 in another thread.

I would very much like to hear about it foo.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Damien Thorn @ Thu Jan 25, 2018 6:37 am

Turntable wrote:I am so pleased with it.

This is the only part that counts isn't it. It's brilliant that you've bought such a mad, excellent, unnecessary car, and I can't wait to hear more about it and see photos. But all that really matters is that you're delighted and I'm dead pleased for you. Especially after the rollercoaster high/low of the Patrol.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Thu Jan 25, 2018 8:10 am

foo wrote:Look forward to the photos TT. If there's any want, I'll tell you all about my 100 in another thread.


Definitely. Although I don't know what all the numbers mean so I don't know which one that is..
Do another thread.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Deuteronomy @ Thu Jan 25, 2018 12:27 pm

Turntable wrote:
foo wrote:Look forward to the photos TT. If there's any want, I'll tell you all about my 100 in another thread.


Definitely. Although I don't know what all the numbers mean so I don't know which one that is..
Do another thread.


Yes, do another thread - with pictures though.

>glares at TT<
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:55 am

Quick update a week later.
I fcuking love this car. Novelty isn't even remotely wearing off. I've been busy so I've only managed to snap a couple of phone pics and its dirty now but to my amazement the looks have grown and grown on me so it has gone from disgusting to excellent looking in my eyes. That has never happened to me before and probably never happened to the Land Cruiser before.
Photos below but they really do not do the car justice. Everything looks very ordinary and a bit cheap in pictures. In the flesh it is unbelievably solid and high quality looking. If you punch any of the plastics or other parts of the car it feels like hitting a rock.
Also, what was really pleasing is that the kids opened a door onto my sisters car and completely staved-in one of her doors whilst leaving mine unmarked. Very happy.

lc3.jpg
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lc2.jpg
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lc1.jpg
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:56 am

A couple more

lc5.jpg
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lc4.jpg
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by CJ+ @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 8:59 am

It has a coffee machine?

Excellent.

I will now forgive the "designed by the student who was hungover and crying about it" front end.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 9:04 am

There is a massive 'but' to my love.
This car has about a million features and they are all set to the cuntest setting. And these features are hidden and utterly impossible to find.
When I read articles about how simple and ergonomic car controls are I usually think this is for benders. I want many buttons everywhere.
That is what I have got with this car, but they also double-up functions and there are functions hidden within functions that you would never guess to look for.
It is beyond infuriating.
Perfect example was for three days the car was randomly letting our shrill high pitched screaming beeps. A bit like a smoke alarm with a low battery. It was a horrific off putting noise. There was no visible alert to say why it was doing this and it drove me up the fcuking wall. Anyway, it went fcuking mental on the m42 smart motorway bit and it suddenly dawned on me that this nuclear-warning alarm was just telling me there were speed cameras ahead. I finally turned it off in a third sub-menu of the sat-nav . I hadn't even had the sat nav running so it was ages before I even looked in there.

I have actually consulted manuals to do stuff and even the manuals don't tell me. Some of it is pretty important stuff.

So here is a challenge to CTF before I have to phone Toyota UK.
My headlights are currently set so powerful and high that the illuminate most of the county on dipped beam. Every third oncoming car flashes me believing I have full beam on.
I challenge you to help me work out how to lower the beam.
Last edited by Turntable on Mon Jan 29, 2018 9:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 9:06 am

Also, can anyone work out from the picture, what that button is supposed to do on the steering wheel below the "MODE" button?
I now know the answer and when I realised I laughed that the picture was so shit
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Strawman @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 9:17 am

Transform into decepticon?
The dial on the far right of the instrument binnacle , isn't that the headlight height adjustment? Currently as high as possible.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by DI Burnside @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 9:19 am

Turntable wrote:Also, can anyone work out from the picture, what that button is supposed to do on the steering wheel below the "MODE" button?
I now know the answer and when I realised I laughed that the picture was so shit


Open the fuel flap ?
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 9:59 am

Strawman wrote:Transform into decepticon?
The dial on the far right of the instrument binnacle , isn't that the headlight height adjustment? Currently as high as possible.


No, that's the instrument illumination.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by CJ+ @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:02 am

Turntable wrote:Also, can anyone work out from the picture, what that button is supposed to do on the steering wheel below the "MODE" button?
I now know the answer and when I realised I laughed that the picture was so shit

It's the coffee machine to which I referred.
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Re: Land Cruiser Invincible - Owned

Post by Turntable @ Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:03 am

CJ+ wrote:
Turntable wrote:Also, can anyone work out from the picture, what that button is supposed to do on the steering wheel below the "MODE" button?
I now know the answer and when I realised I laughed that the picture was so shit

It's the coffee machine to which I referred.


:laugh: I thought you were referring to the 4wd section in the middle which also looks like a coffee machine. A bit.
Also, I have a fridge which is so useful I cannot believe all cars don't have them.
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