What was the last film you watched?

[Käsemeister]

Did warn you...

[Freddie]

Did warn you...

Jason Statham. What did you expect, Citizen Kane?

[Strawman]

Does he punch the 25m shark though, and does that somehow help him defeat it?

[Damien Thorn]

I just did a shark film, but it wasn't The Meg. And I can't tell you about it yet anyway, because there's the whole of Thornfest '18 to review still.

[Greg66]

Does he punch the 25m shark though, and does that somehow help him defeat it?

Well, he doesn’t quite manage to strangle it with a giant prehistoric eel, but the whole thing isn’t far off that level of preposterousness.

[GingerNinja]

I just did a shark film, but it wasn't The Meg. And I can't tell you about it yet anyway, because there's the whole of Thornfest '18 to review still.

Was it Ghost Shark?

[Damien Thorn]

I just did a shark film, but it wasn't The Meg. And I can't tell you about it yet anyway, because there's the whole of Thornfest '18 to review still.

Was it Ghost Shark?

No, it was The Shallows.

[Strawman]

The water slide sequence in Ghost shark is one of the finest things I've seen this year. But I still not sure I want to watch the whole film

Original video page: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiRpnsfvwwc

[Greg66]

Mission Impossible: Fallout

Generally I don’t rush to watch Tom Cruise (because nutter) films though when I do I tend to enjoy them. And I have avoided the MI franchise since the first one as I find them, well, silly and contrived.

So it is with surprise that I report that Fallout is a cracking good watch. Superbly entertaining and a load of moments that had me fidgeting in my seat in excitement at the incipient perils.

Only minor criticism was that it felt in parts that not having seen the previous films made the backstory a little hard to decipher.

9/10.

[Strawman]

Only minor criticism was that it felt in parts that not having seen the previous films made the backstory a little hard to decipher.

Haven't seen the latest one, but reviews have been good. I'm not sure you need to understand the back story, I've seen a few of these (at least 3 of them) and can't remember much about the plots at all. Dr. Evil type is trying to do something dastardly and Cruise thwarts them is as much as I can remember, there was a virus almost released in one of them, in another he was clinging on to the outside of the world's tallest building etc.

[thekungfury]

Last night I watched the latest Jason Bourne film, Jason Bourne. In it Jason Bourne returns played once more by Jason Bourne and finds out more things about Jason Bourne whilst doing trademarked Jason Bourne motorbike chases and fist fights against baddies.

Jason Bourne looks everso grumpy throughout the film, presumably because the actor (Jason Bourne) realises it's a franchise that's been milked beyond what's reasonable.

I honestly couldn't tell you much about what happened in the film other than remembering the Moby chords kicking in as Jason Bourne walks off at the end resulting in a huge sigh of relief from me and probably from Jason Bourne.

[Deuteronomy]

Last night I watched the latest Jason Bourne film, Jason Bourne. In it Jason Bourne returns played once more by Jason Bourne and finds out more things about Jason Bourne whilst doing trademarked Jason Bourne motorbike chases and fist fights against baddies.

Jason Bourne looks everso grumpy throughout the film, presumably because the actor (Jason Bourne) realises it's a franchise that's been milked beyond what's reasonable.

I honestly couldn't tell you much about what happened in the film other than remembering the Moby chords kicking in as Jason Bourne walks off at the end resulting in a huge sigh of relief from me and probably from Jason Bourne.

Sounds good, what was it called?

[thekungfury]

The Bourne: Jason Bourne.

[Deuteronomy]

The Bourne: Jason Bourne.

>shrugs<

Bourne Again would have been better, or possibly Bourne to Die

Or Look Who's Talking.

[thekungfury]

Look Who’s Talking, Jason Bourne is Talking

Jason Bourne and the Hendersons

[manfromdelmonte]

Near where I was brought up, and still there to this day is:

The Bourne Pharmacy

Coming to a movie theatre near you, soon.

[Disastrous]

Bourne Free

10 Things I Hate About Jason Bourne

Fried Green Tomatoes at Jason Bourne’s Café

Loved when we used to do this.

[Strawman]

Look Who’s Talking, Jason Bourne is Talking

and the sequel, Look whose no longer talking too, it's mostly just a long tracking shot of all the people Jason Bourne has killed, with occasional fade/jump cuts as we go to another location he has previously visited.

[Deuteronomy]

Bournemower Man

Bourne of the Dead

From Dusk Til Bourne

Bourne of the Planet of the Apes

[ttwiggy]

Bourne to be wild

Bourne on a bayou

To the manor Bourne

[thekungfury]

From Dusk Til Bourne

Love this. Clooney and co rock up at the Titty Twister to find Jason Bourne dancing in a bikini on stage with a big albino Jason Bourne writhing around his shoulders. Then everyone in the bar turns into Jason Bourne and they have fight them all.

I’d fcuking watch that.

[Deuteronomy]

From Dusk Til Bourne

Love this. Clooney and co rock up at the Titty Twister to find Jason Bourne dancing in a bikini on stage with a big albino Jason Bourne writhing around his shoulders. Then everyone in the bar turns into Jason Bourne and they have fight them all.

I’d fcuking watch that.

Cor!

[S1K]

Bourne On The Fourth Of July - Jason Bourne is confined to a wheelchair and becomes an alcoholic.

Bourne Under A Bad Sign - I don't know, probably changes career to become an unsuccessful neon artist or something.

When A Child Is Bourne - Prequel about Jason Bourne's schooldays

[Dirk]

Don't forget his porn film: Bourne to be blue

[HappyGoLucky]

Don't forget his porn film: Bourne to be blue

I thought he did better in A Pornstar is Bourne! - A beautiful young hitman moves to Hollywood to become a star. His dreams are shattered by countless rejections and a run in with the casting couch. Financial distress forces him into a secret life performing in adult films.

[deev]

Blackkklansman

Pretty funny but not a comedy, it's a bit preachy and has a good few digs at Trump, but basically the whole thing is an anti Trump piece, it's quite well done though with the overarching message not being that any one group has the right to be violent to the other regardless of previous transgressions and that we should all just get along.

[HappyGoLucky]

[Secondly, it was a bit clumsy in the execution. Several scenes were too long - I assumed in an effort to build tension, but it didn't really work. I ended up getting impatient for something to happen rather than increasingly anxious at what might happen.
.

Agree with that completely. After about 20 minutes I thought it was utter shit and the only reason I didn't leave was that I knew it must get better to have got the reviews it did.
Still maintain it was a decent enough horror thereafter and I think your 4/10 is very miserly

If you're going to argue I will remark it down to a 3!

Thought the son got off pretty lightly for the mid film "incident". And frankly I think I would have moved house at some point during that lot. Perhaps even moved state.

Scariest bit was the chase up the stairs, because everyone knows that having someone tapping your heels as you sprint up stairs is scary as scary can be.

I genuinely think you're being generous with the 3!

[Damien Thorn]

I owe you all loads of film reviews from the last few weeks. Soz! I've watched stacks of stuff and not told you about any of it - but as I went to see The Predator last night, I thought I'd do some highlights.


The Predator is phenomenal. Written and directed by Shane Black, who wrote the original film and also starred in it as the joking Hawkins, and co-written by Fred Dekker - auteur of one of my favourite throwback eighties horror mashups, Night Of The Creeps; TP is an absolute blast of eighties-feeling action wisecracking super-violent buddyism. The cast is great, with the ensemble finding space for a worthwhile special needs child, as well as a toughgirl scientist (Olivia Munn - ace, but in a role that feels edited-down from something much bigger), as well as the expected crew of wry Special Forces army nutjobs. The script is lol-out-loud funny and mostly made of swears, and the 15 rating somehow allows for more violence and gore than I think I've ever seen in a Predator film. Utter brutality and dismemberment reigns. Giblets and limbs and severed heads flying all over the screen. Some very clever allusions to the first two films as well (at one point casting the son of an actor from Predator 2 as the son of the character from Predator 2, I noticed. Subtle), with dialogue references and inversions.


Plotwise, it feels like one extended, breathless action sequence - barrelling from one set piece to another in a chaotic tumble. The only real downside is that with the booming score (lifted from the original film and thus rendering The Predator even more Predator-y than ever) some of the clever dialogue is lost under the hardbitten delivery. A shame, as what's left is a hoot.


Loved this. Respecting the eighties and riffing on what made all those classic action films so much fun, all at once. A solid 8.

[Damien Thorn]

Other recent films include -

Ant Man and The Wasp - fine. Not as much fun as the first film, but still pretty fun.

El Bar - Spanish thriller about a group of people trapped in a bar by a sniper outside, and how events coil off into utterly unpredictable directions. Good.

Hardcore Henry - been wanting to see this for ages, so imagine my disappointment that it was absolute shit. Like a Call Of Duty highlights package thrown together by giggling teenagers. Manages to cram about 15 minutes of genuine enjoyment into the 100-or-so minutes it dragged interminably on for.

The Shallows - girl surfer vs horrid big shark. Super tense and pretty exciting, considering how little content there was to work with.

American Assassin - utterly forgettable violent thriller (so forgettable, in fact, that I only remembered I'd watched it because I just checked my Netflix Watch It Again list.

Extinction - science fiction thriller as a man suffers recurring nightmares about an alien invasion, although the plot derails into utterly bewildering twists.

Central Intelligence - comedy with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and little Kevin Hart, that seemed wilfully unfunny and arduous.

Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets - endless visual scifi noodling as Luc Besson shows off how well his effects people can realise his incroyable imaginings. Forgot to include a proper story or worthwhile characters, and can only dream of being as much fun as The Fifth Element.

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back - so so boring. Little Jack Reacher scowls through some baffling plot possibly about kidnapping or army secrets. No idea. I couldn't stay awake and tried several times rewinding to make things make sense. They resolutely wouldn't.

The Vault - have I said about this one already? Haunted bank vault does in bank robbers. Everything is exactly what you expect.

Jigsaw - a late-to-the-party Saw sequel that's actually really fun in spite of some bald-faced cheating with timelines in order to facilitate it's twist finale. You sneaky shit!

[Damien Thorn]

Oh noes! I forgot Train To Busan. Excellent Korean zombie horror, 28 Days Later on a train. Brilliant fresh ideas (as much as any ideas can be fresh any more within the context of zombie horrors) and characters that solicit genuine empathy. Exciting and thrilling, and violent in equal measure. Includes an adorable small child and battling dad for additional aah! points.