What was the last film you watched?

[CJ+]

Over there last few days, films I've remembered now are:

I Am Mother
MI: Fallout (x several)
Climax
No One Lives (again)

And I've just remembered Thornfest '19 starts tomorrow!

Intrigued by I Am Mother. Worth a watch?

[Damien Thorn]

Over there last few days, films I've remembered now are:

I Am Mother
MI: Fallout (x several)
Climax
No One Lives (again)

And I've just remembered Thornfest '19 starts tomorrow!

Intrigued by I Am Mother. Worth a watch?

Yes, very. The less I say about it the more you'll like it.

[Doctor Congo]

The Great Hack on Netflix. Terrifying detail about how our democratic process has been totally subverted and how the 2016s elections were won by using data illegally.

[Damien Thorn]

A couple last night: Perfect Skin, which was dreadful. Really dreadful. But I watched it because I thought it was something else and I got muddled up.

It's a "psychological thriller", about a deviant tattoo artist who kidnaps an au pair and keeps her in a cage in his basement while he gives her some unwanted full body art and modifications. I could see where it was going from the very beginning and I'm astonished it managed to eke that out to 100 minutes, frankly.

I might also take some slight issue with how "psychological" a thriller it might be to include the tattooist hanging a set of severed tits up in his office.

Anyway. Rubbish.

Another disappointment was Triple Threat, which was essentially a who's who of contemporary fighting film stars: Tony Jaa, Iko Uwais, Tiger Chen, Scott Adkins, Jejaa Yanin, Michael Jai White. Tons.

It should have been a breathtaking example of the state of the (martial) art, but it just isn't. It's alright. Which sounds like damning with faint praise, and is meant to. It's serviceable, but not especially exciting or eye-opening and you'd be hard pressed to pick anything out of it to show off to someone. Other than a lady being shot point blank with a grenade launcher, perhaps.

It's certainly not even sniffing at the trousers of The Night Comes For Us (the greatest film ever made, remember), a film made up entirely of sequences you can't wait to show off to other people.

Just watch that instead.

[ttwiggy]

I'm sure there was a film made in the 1980s about a tattooist who kidnaps a woman (supermodel I think),drugs her and than gives her the full body treatment while she's asleep.


<heads off to IMDB>

[Damien Thorn]

It was"Tattoo", I think. With Maud Adams.

[Damien Thorn]

Oh. One highlight of Triple Threat (apart from the absurd title) is Scott Adkins using the leftover British accent that Jason Statham left behind when he went to America. Genius.

[CJ+]

I too saw Triple Threat, and Damo is 100% accurate in his assessment.

[CJ+]

One-line reviews of some more. Spoiler-free!

The Perfection
Alright. Starts better than it ends. Interesting story-telling technique. 5.5/10.

Apostle
Excellent! Violent and interesting and set in 1905, now with added cult. I wholeheartedly recommend this. 9/10.

Bushwick
Dave Bautista is good-ish. But overall, meh. Unexpectedly bleak at the end. 6/10.

Stag
Not actually a film, a mini-series. Shut up and watch it. 9/10

White Chamber
Black Mirror-esque. Enjoyed this, but not giving it more than 7/10.

Sniper: Ultimate Kill
I was drunk after coming home from the pub. Shit. 3/10.

Revolt
Interesting premise, meanders a bit in the middle. Echoes of District 9? 7/10.

[Damien Thorn]

I liked The Perfection very much - reminded me of Martyrs.

Loved Apostle. Brutal and astonishing.

Bushwick was dull and rubbish.

Not seen the others.

Might watch Possum tonight, if I've time.

[CJ+]

Might have mentioned this before, but:

Kill List
Excellent. Him out of Utopia is in it. 9/10.

[Damien Thorn]

There was a row about Kill List here ages ago. I loved it and tried to defend it against belligerent detractors.

Did you know they're remaking Utopia in America, with John Cusack?

[Clown Ice Skater #4]

Us. Liked a lot and wasn’t what I expected.

The Silence. A lot like The Silent Place but none the worse for it. Mad Men fans will recognise Don and Betty’s angry daughter as the lead.

The Matrix. We both randomly fancied watching this, not having seen it fir years and it was still excellent.

[Damien Thorn]

Might watch Possum tonight, if I've time.

I did have time, but didn't watch Possum. I wasn't in the mood for what I guessed it might provide - middle-aged gloom and angst about childhood abuses - so instead I decided to watch The Haunting Of Hannah Grace.

However, once the "shocking" cold opening to THOHG had shown the film was entirely out of ideas before the titles had even appeared, and the laughable head-impaling gore tipped it's hand at how childish it was going to be, I turned it off and decided to watch Terrifier instead.

I've been wanting to watch Terrifier for a year or so (can't be too long though as it was made in 2016) and was delighted to see it skulking about On Demand. It's the sorry story of a handful of people not enjoying Halloween at all, because they get bloodily carved up by a silent killer in a clown costume. I especially wanted to see it as it features Catherine Corcoran who is so brilliant in Troma's Return To Nuke'Em High; Part I.

Terrifier is an absolute throwback to the grimy parade-kill slashers of the early 90s. An inscrutable killer who seems to flit from place to place as if by magic, in order to provide shocks and jumpscares; and is also highly indestructible and shrugs off batterings and stabbings. A bunch of hapless women (and men, although mostly the women) who meet horrific, gleefully-depicted, brutal demises in a slew of practical rubberwork gore. And no real story or character or even sense. Actually that's not true, the Final Girl is intelligent (she's first seen studying late at night for exams, see?), sensible and appealing. Although Terrifier is so very mean-spirited that even she emerges heavily scathed from events.

But none of this matters. Terrifier is meant to be a nasty and gory display of creative kills, and stands or falls on how well it delivers these. And it really delivers these. The gore effects are astonishing and revolting, and the kills are imaginative and sadistic, and the camera is confident enough in the practical effects work to linger on the acts and the results without hiding anything off screen or in gloomy shots. Cor. Well done, low budget horror auteurs. I have genuinely never seen a naked woman hanging upside down sawed in half from groin to face before.

[CJ+]

The Open House
Starts well (if slowly), and then completely loses its shit in the latter 20 mins of the film, whereupon it ceases to make any sense whatsoever, then it just stops. Spoiler alert: it's shit. 1/10, fcuk you The Open House for stealing 1.5 hours of my life.

[minimoog]

I find most of the entries on this thread mystifying. I barely have the attention span to watch a film I've seen before and know to be great, never mind grimly plough through some no-budget atrocity that is 95% certain to be shit, tedious, and annoying.

[thekungfury]

I find most of the entries on this thread mystifying. I barely have the attention span to watch a film I've seen before and know to be great, never mind grimly plough through some no-budget atrocity that is 95% certain to be shit, tedious, and annoying.

Same-ish.

Each to their own but to me it’s like deliberately eating a bucket of tripe soup.

[Dirk]

I find most of the entries on this thread mystifying. I barely have the attention span to watch a film I've seen before and know to be great, never mind grimly plough through some no-budget atrocity that is 95% certain to be shit, tedious, and annoying.

Same-ish.

Each to their own but to me it’s like deliberately eating a bucket of tripe soup.

That, and wondering how the hell Damo finds the time to watch all these films

Remember all the hysteria about how video nasties would corrupt people etc. If they did then it really would be PK!

[Damien Thorn]

Extraordinary outburst!

I think you'll find Dirk, so-called, that lots of people manage to find an hour and a half in an evening to watch telly.

I choose to watch a film sometimes instead of Who Do You Think You Are or EastEnders, or something. And then I'll tell you about them on here sometimes. I suppose if you don't watch films then this isn't the best thread to read; and if you do watch films, why not write some thoughts about them here.

I'm well past worrying what people think about my choices of film genre. Lots of people watch and enjoy comedies and romances - I don't, and don't.

But I'd be delighted if they added their thoughts on them to this thread.

[Deuteronomy]

Extraordinary outburst!

>happy nostalgia smile<

[Dirk]

They aren't my 'thing' Damo' but I have no problem with you watching them or writing about them. I enjoy reading about hem.

I certainly don't have time to watch 90 minutes of TV a night. Great for you if you do.

But that doesn't mean to say that I cannot comment, so-called Damien

[Damien Thorn]

Laugh! Very pass remarkable.

[thekungfury]

fwiw I enjoy reading about them even if you couldn’t pay me to watch them*


* of course you could

[Damien Thorn]

grimly plough through some no-budget atrocity that is 95% certain to be shit, tedious, and annoying.

It's nice to see some recognition for the service I provide.

[S1K]

Have you watched any of Neil Breen’s ouevre Damo?

[Damien Thorn]

I have not. I just had to Google to see who he is. He sounds as if he knows his own mind.

[minimoog]

I sense a teensy bit of defensiveness. It's unnecessary. I too can spend incredible amounts of time doing vacuous things, and I have no problem with anyone else doing the same by whatever means they prefer.

I just don't get the watching shit films thing, and going by the reviews in here a lot of shit films are being watched. So it's hard not to conclude it's deliberate. It's exactly the same as picking up a garbage pulp fiction book from the second hand bin in a charity shop, reading the the whole thing to the end and then to no-one's surprise at all declaring it to have been a load of terribly written old toss. Then picking up another one and doing it all over again.

Both activities would infuriate me rather than amiably pass the time. So as I said, mystifying.

[Damien Thorn]

I sense a teensy bit of defensiveness.

No, not at all. I've been watching this sort of rubbish for 35 years and I'm not oblivious to how little it makes for other peoples cup of tea.

TL/DR

• SPOILER: Mouse over to reveal

  • I just don't get the watching shit films thing, and going by the reviews in here a lot of shit films are being watched. So it's hard not to conclude it's deliberate. It's exactly the same as picking up a garbage pulp fiction book from the second hand bin in a charity shop, reading the the whole thing to the end and then to no-one's surprise at all declaring it to have been a load of terribly written old toss. Then picking up another one and doing it all over again.

    
    It's really hard to explain why this isn't the case, but I'll try to give my pov. Don't think I'm evangelising though, just trying to word the appeal for me.
    
    It's a bit like picking up the first homespun cd from a new little indie band (I appreciate this is a bit of an outdated analogy nowadays, but bear with me), because you read a strong review of their live show or garage EP in Melody Maker. It's going to sound cheap and lo-fi, and probably the songs will be naive and clunky, and the production poor. You certainly don't expect to hear Coldplay or Metallica. But that's not why you listen to it; you're looking for something fresh or interesting. Something energetic or angry. Some new ideas, a clever bit of lyricism maybe, or an addictive bassline, or maybe a hilariously ott guitar solo. Maybe you're hearing the tiny germinating roots of Nirvana? But then again perhaps it turns out to be Bitch Magnet - no matter how much Everett True wanked on about it.
    
    And to sort of cram that limping analogy into a film context, maybe you're watching Evil Dead or Bad Taste. Dog-ate-my-homework efforts of guts and gusto triumphing over anything else, awash with disgusting gore and terrible acting but with just enough of a kernel of something brilliant to give you hope for what these low budget strivers might manage one day. In this case you're seeing the fledgling attempt to get noticed of the filmmakers who'll later bring Spiderman to the screen, or The Lord Of The Rings.
    
    But it's not just that. I don't watch these films only because I'm hoping to see the beginning of something that will one day be good. I genuinely enjoy the "good" ones. And I realise that "good" here is certainly not everyone's definition of the word - but I can discern a real difference between Terrifier, say, which I enjoyed and was GOOD; and Peelers, which I did not enjoy, and was fcuking WELL SHIT. But how do you know until you watch them? Sometimes genre reviews give a clue, but often they don't, as appreciating this kind of rarefied stuff is a fine line, so I just watch them to find out. Even horror fans don't always agree either. You might (probably won't, it was ages ago!) remember me arguing with TT about whether V/H/S 2 was decent; I loved it and he thought it was wretched - and we each cited exactly the same elements of the film to back up our own contrasting opinions. But whichever way you slice it (no pun) I like the genre. I'd rather watch Hobo With A Shotgun (which I did watch the other day but forgot to tell you all about! To commemorate poor Rutger Hauer RIP) than the new live action version of Aladdin.
    
    Although I don't sniff at everything mainstream - you'll remember I wrote about the new Lion King the other day, and I'm really keen to see Hobbs & Shaw and still intend to catch Spiderman Far From Home at the cinema. But I'll give equal weight to the possibilities of being entertained by something big and central, or something little from right at the fringes. Right now I can't wait to watch the upcoming Angel Has Fallen (Mike Banning 3), and I'm equally keen to sit down to watch Suspiria (the controversial horror remake of the controversial 70s horror).
    
    And I think because I'm already partial to these exploitation/horror/martial arts/wev films, I truly can discern entertainment value in places where mainstream viewers will see just yet more terrible rubbish. I can't quantify the difference between my good and bad rubbish, but I feel it's something to do with the filmmaker's genuine enthusiasm and actual respect for the audience, as well as rudimentary technical skills and acting and stuff. I think I prefer to see that than just another rote blockbuster where a committee of dunces has thrown hundreds of millions of dollars of shit at an audience to see what sticks.
    
    Like I said, hard to explain.

[minimoog]

It's a lovely and thoughtful explanation and while I certainly wasn't demanding one I thank you for it. I''ve modified my view from 'mystified' to 'less mystified', if that's any reward.

[Clown Ice Skater #4]

P.l.u.s. o.n.e.

This is going to sound patronising and I genuinely don’t intend it to be, but that was a perfect and enlightening explanation for something I’ve occasionally wondered too. I’ve always enjoyed your writing, Damo.