Tell me about motorbikes

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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Disastrous @ Sat Oct 05, 2019 5:00 pm

This has given me an idea. I’m going to try filtering next time I’m at the supermarket. Wait, no, that won’t work because it’s a queue and not a road.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Paul H @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:03 am

Clown Ice Skater #4 wrote: Applying the concept of a queuing system to traffic driving on the road is completely flawed


I trust you are familiar with

a) rush hour traffic

b) traffic lights

c) stationary traffic

When bikers drive to front of the stationary traffic they are not filtering, they are queue jumping. Only a certain volume of traffic passes the junction each light cycle and if half a dozen bikes have gotten to the front of the queue they are slowing down the other commuters. But hey, bikers! fcuk you, and your dry crumple zone!
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Tokyo Sexwale @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:13 am

Yes that’s what happens.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Damien Thorn @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:32 am

European research has shown that if 10% of car drivers switched to motorcycles, overall traffic congestion would be reduced by 40%.

So unfortunately Paul, the reason traffic has made you so angry isn't because of motorcyclists jumping the queue, it's because 10% of car drivers aren't prepared to accept a reduction in their own personal comfort and safety in order to speed things up for everyone else.

source
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by NNK @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 8:07 am

Didn't there used to be a tw@ of the week thread (or similar) on here ?
Well I nominate Paul H anyway.
Probably for the next few weeks
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Aesgarth @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 9:41 am

Paul H wrote:
Clown Ice Skater #4 wrote: Applying the concept of a queuing system to traffic driving on the road is completely flawed


I trust you are familiar with

a) rush hour traffic

b) traffic lights

c) stationary traffic

When bikers drive to front of the stationary traffic they are not filtering, they are queue jumping. Only a certain volume of traffic passes the junction each light cycle and if half a dozen bikes have gotten to the front of the queue they are slowing down the other commuters. But hey, bikers! fcuk you, and your dry crumple zone!

:rolleyes: what a load of toss.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by thekungfury @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 9:57 am

Bikes famously slow down cars
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Disastrous @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 10:39 am

Paul H wrote:
Clown Ice Skater #4 wrote: Applying the concept of a queuing system to traffic driving on the road is completely flawed


I trust you are familiar with

a) rush hour traffic

b) traffic lights

c) stationary traffic

When bikers drive to front of the stationary traffic they are not filtering, they are queue jumping. Only a certain volume of traffic passes the junction each light cycle and if half a dozen bikes have gotten to the front of the queue they are slowing down the other commuters. But hey, bikers! fcuk you, and your dry crumple zone!


That is absolute nonsense Paul.

ETA, genuinely, how do you cope with merge in turns or closed lanes?
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Greg66 @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 11:54 am

I have mixed feelings about motorbikes filtering.

A bike that filters to the front of the lights and then zips off into the distance. Fine. A scooter cnut who filters to the same position but who then dawdles away in the middle of the lane holding people up: run him down then reverse over him. Or her.

The fifth biker to pull up at the front of the lights trying to nose the front 1/8 inch of his front tyre into a non existent gap somewhere around the front of my offside wing so that he is “in front” of me, then holds me up while the other four bikers take it in turns to pull away when the lights go green: push him into the oncoming traffic. Pizza delivery riders who use traffic as a dynamic slalom course while hanging one foot out to the side as if try to dry it: burn them.

Bikers who pull out to pass multiple vehicles: fine. Bikers who do so in the face of oncoming traffic and who expect the oncoming traffic to head to the gutter to make space for them: not fine.

So: be considerate, don’t be selfish, don’t take the piss.

Riding a road bike in heavy traffic for a good few years has thought me both the value and risks of filtering. The cardinal rule for me remains: you are safest when your speed is as close to that of the traffic around you. So filtering fast up the inside or outside of stationary traffic is a mug’s game. Carefully making progress a car at a time: better.

But one of the biggest problems I find these days is anything that negates the usual priorities of the road. Box junctions, “Keep Clear” markings, vehicles on major roads that stop to let other vehicles into/out of minor roads (esp if they block sight lines at the same time). This isn’t considerate. It’s fcuking with people’s expectations. And it creates danger.

Datho, we could club together to get you a book of very funny jokes. I hear that thoracic activity is good for helping ribs mend. Or maybe I made that up. I forget which.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Tokyo Sexwale @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 12:31 pm

One of the nicest things about riding a bike around central London was seeing all the petty squabbles going on between car drivers - disputes over literally inches of road in a sea of stationary cars. On a bike you just cruise by, totally unphased by any delay or jam and nip to the front at most sets of lights and by and large get away without inconveniencing anyone.

I’m sure there’s the occasional time I’ve been the fifth biker delaying someone’s journey by 5 seconds but I don’t think that’s particularly unreasonable seeing as the cars are causing the jams in the first instance. Lots of single occupant cars all going the same way, very slowly due to the number of them. If you are genuinely getting annoyed by a biker or two delaying this snail like progress by a few seconds then more fool you. Not aimed at anyone in particular by the way.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by thekungfury @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 12:39 pm

I see bikes as not-cars. If 5 bikers were in cars there would be, wait for it, 5 more cars on the road. 5 cars is the difference between me making it through these lights or not. At my destination they’d be taking up 5 parking spaces. They’re doing me a favour by riding rather than driving.

Also I might need an organ donated at some point.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Damien Thorn @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 12:42 pm

thekungfury wrote:Also I might need an organ donated at some point.


You can have my shoulder if you like? Because at the moment it's fcuking sore.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by thekungfury @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 3:06 pm

It’s too short for me. Eyeing up your colon though. Mine is rubbish.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Damien Thorn @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:05 pm

I thought the days of Gypsy men eyeing up my colon had passed me by!

Nice to know I've still got it. Even if "it" is simply a working colon.

Although, hilariously, it currently doesn't work. At all. I haven't pooed since before my off.

I'm home now, btw.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Clown Ice Skater #4 @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:19 pm

This post intentionally left blank.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Tokyo Sexwale @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:23 pm

Well done on getting home. Shame about the morphine arse, I’ve had that and the first out will be quite, quite awful.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Damien Thorn @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:43 pm

Clown Ice Skater #4 wrote:That’s good news! It must be much nicer to be at home. Will it be tricky with the broken bones in terms of stairs/sleeping etc?
I don't know about sleeping. My bed at home is a normal bed type bed, not a remote controlled multi-directional drone like the ones in the ward. That head raising action was a proper boon in the mornings, moreso as the mornings were the most physically painful times if the day. I was mostly mobile by about 10am, but at 5:30 when I was clattering off to clean my teeth dragging half the medical kit in Essex, activity was a painful struggle.

But the physio 'tested' me walking up and down flights of stairs before he gave me the all clear to come home.

And he confirmed that i will no longer possess the collar bones of a swan-necked ballerina. Instead, forevermore sporting the jagged rollercoaster shoulder profile more suited to a pirate, or grave robber.

Check it!

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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Damien Thorn @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:46 pm

Tokyo Sexwale wrote:Well done on getting home. Shame about the morphine arse, I’ve had that and the first out will be quite, quite awful.
Now the pain relief is wearing off, my first concern on getting home has been to crack open my complimentary Magnum of Lactulose. Oof!
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by S1K @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:48 pm

I’ll give you a quid if you drink the whole bottle of Lactulose in one go.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Tokyo Sexwale @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:54 pm

Damien Thorn wrote:
Tokyo Sexwale wrote:Well done on getting home. Shame about the morphine arse, I’ve had that and the first out will be quite, quite awful.
Now the pain relief is wearing off, my first concern on getting home has been to crack open my complimentary Magnum of Lactulose. Oof!

I had recent arse issues and had needed some painful surgery. I think I took that stuff for 3 days before ‘it’ happened, good god.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by S1K @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 8:06 pm

I know this is a distasteful subject but I’d prefer you had the advice before it happens. When a motion is imminent it can be worth easing its passage by greasing your passage, i.e. sticking a heavily Vaselined finger up there to help it on its way.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Tokyo Sexwale @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 9:05 pm

I had a syringe of lidocaine for that and it did zilch for the pain. I 98% passed out and fell off the toilet! Good
Luck damo!
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Revol @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 9:14 pm

Bloody hell Damo, not been on CTF for a while so just seen your news.
Nothing to add about filtering but do get well soon old boy.

*Are we cupping yet or is it not that serious??
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Auslander @ Sun Oct 06, 2019 10:28 pm

.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Careless Whisperer @ Mon Oct 07, 2019 12:18 am

Bloody hell Datho!

Get well soon.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Tokyo Sexwale @ Mon Oct 07, 2019 6:24 am

[quote="Auslander”]

I hate driving within the M25. Everyone wants to get to their destination yesterday and nobody seems to realise that driving like a cnut gains them a fraction of a second at the expense of everyone else being held up. Prime example when I drove into Stratford last week - I was in the left lane of 2 lanes, when I noticed the arrow in the road was for left turn only. I signalled and hoped to merge into the traffic in the right lane to go straight ahead and was blocked, meaning I then ended up blocking the left lane as I attempted to merge in. Just a little lift from a driver in the right lane would have smoothed my progress and not held anyone up.[/quote]
This sounds like you had gone the wrong way and instead of adapting your route, you blocked a road and insisted another lane let you in, saving yourself an amount of time at the expense of everyone else being held up. Irony.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Damien Thorn @ Mon Oct 07, 2019 6:50 am

In fairness, I know if plenty of places where an innocent inside lane becomes a turn-off only lane and forces you to change lanes if you want to carry straight on.

On place in particular I ride/drive every day is notorious and always causes congestion because drivers will either race to the end of the left hand lane then bully their way back in to carry straight on (they can't, because there's now a queue of stationary traffic who won't let them) or vacate the left hand lane literally miles ahead to avoid the problem of not being let in.

This means traffic actually joins at the previous junction and goes straight past the inside lane as though it isn't there, simply to avoid the grief of having to argue over lane space in a few miles.

The whole thing is a function of poor lane discipline, belligerent attitude in a lot of drivers, and most of all, more traffic than the road can actually copies with.

I think (anecdotal, fifty couples) this sort of thing is common around the country.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by CJ+ @ Mon Oct 07, 2019 6:58 am

Tokyo Sexwale wrote:
Auslander wrote:I hate driving within the M25. Everyone wants to get to their destination yesterday and nobody seems to realise that driving like a cnut gains them a fraction of a second at the expense of everyone else being held up. Prime example when I drove into Stratford last week - I was in the left lane of 2 lanes, when I noticed the arrow in the road was for left turn only. I signalled and hoped to merge into the traffic in the right lane to go straight ahead and was blocked, meaning I then ended up blocking the left lane as I attempted to merge in. Just a little lift from a driver in the right lane would have smoothed my progress and not held anyone up.

This sounds like you had gone the wrong way and instead of adapting your route, you blocked a road and insisted another lane let you in, saving yourself an amount of time at the expense of everyone else being held up. Irony.

It's easily done, especially if you're in an unfamiliar city with poorly-maintained road markings. I did exactly this in Newcastle, the other week. It was pouring with rain in rush-hour traffic, the paint on the road would have been hard to see on a good day, and I was going somewhere I'd not been before. Newcastle is not an easy city to drive around at the best of times - lots of tricky and unintuitive junctions, often in fairly rapid succession. I found myself in a left-turn-only-bus-lane-omg-I-need-to-get-back-in-the-right-lane lane. However, because this was Newcastle and not The London, the drivers around me weren't cnuts and they let me back into the right lane (probably going "howay, what a canny daft fucka, eh?") without drama.
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Damien Thorn @ Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:49 am

In common with those folk who get their spine smashed to smithereens and then win the London Marathon six months later, I am experiencing a somewhat miraculous recovery, having managed a very respectable poo already this morning.

In your face, medical science!
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Re: Tell me about motorbikes

Post by Strawman @ Mon Oct 07, 2019 9:54 am

Glad to hear it, someone I know broke all his ribs down one side when he fell down some stairs, as he lay at the bottom he told me he was in such pain he just hoped he was going to actually die rather than survive.
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