An Old Man's Guide To Console Gaming

[thekungfury]

Yeah make him kill a prostitute. Film it and you’ll go viral.

Eyeroll. Just like in real life, you don't HAVE to kill a prostitute, you just CAN kill a prostitute. It's an option.

It's hardly GTAV's fault you're obsessed with killing prostitutes Teeks.

YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MUM YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

[thekungfury]

Datho and I played Battle Royale together last night. We were awful. AWFUL

[Damien Thorn]

I agree. It was a terrible shambles.

[thekungfury]

Mercifully brief

[Dirk]

Never heard that euphemism before

Good on you both for the brutal honesty though

[Freddie]

Never heard that euphemism before

Good on you both for the brutal honesty though

Yes, well done Teeks and Damo. Perhaps a new - THE Official CTF Coming Out Thread - is needed?

[Damien Thorn]

Fortnite is by a company called Epic Games. There is a tab on their launcher for their other products, and I downloaded another one yesterday. Another game, the new version of Unreal Tournament.

It is hilarious, an actual laughing out loud riot of destruction at breakneck speed. It reminds me of how FPS games used to be in the nineties before they all had to have characters and stories and everything. Which is the idea, I suppose.

Death matches are ten minutes, you vote on maps with the other players, and then you respawn two seconds after you're killed each time, until the timer runs out.

It's brilliant.

Anyway. It's free as well.

[thekungfury]

I tried Unreal Tournament. I even tried the tutorial. In the game I was just cannon fodder and didn’t kill a single person. I felt like yer nanna in a skate park with those youths rushing round with their hippity hop.

I’ve played a few more games of Battle Royale and even got a 2nd place doing sneaky sneaky hide and keep quiet stuff. In an effort to get a bit better I looked on YT for some videos. I don’t know why this surprised me but there are professional BR players. I get that there are people who earn a living playing video games, that’s been going a while. However it seems there are people who play just the one game. That’s their job. One game.

The guy I saw who is @Ninja on twitter is impossibly good at it. Yeah, it’s his job, I get it. But he was so damn quick and his reactions were otherworldly.

In the game I’ll go “Right there is somebody over there I better select my rifle, duck down and aim. Where did he go? Ah there he is but he’s moving so I better wait a second. There he goes, OK, FIRE! (and miss). Fire more! Oh fcuk he’s coming at me. Jump! Jump and shoot. Shit, reload. No choose another gun! I’m dead”

In his games he just sees someone, fires and they’re dead.

[Disastrous]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

[Damien Thorn]

It amazes me how good some people are at games. It's more than just a different level of expertise, it's like psychic powers.

I'm aware of the @ninja character. Like tk says, he's impossibly good. At least with Fortnite the games are mercifully brief. Although I'm experimenting with a new tactic at the moment, of jumping out of the bus immediately that the doors open, diving straight down to somewhere behind it and then spending ages looting stuff. I regularly get top fives, but have yet to win a game or score more than three kills in a game.

In other news I have been playing Warface. A free to play COD type thing built around online co-op or death match / battle royale. It's brutally hard, and again it's also an esport. An esport in Russia, even. It is horrifyingly realistic at times, certainly in comparison to Fortnite. I am terrible at it, obv.

Unreal Tournament is ridiculous, again like tk says. You die immediately and often until the timer runs out. I have scored a few kills in it, but that's inevitable if you fire enough guns enough times I suppose.

[CJ+]

I found UT to be quick but not manically so; that accolade is reserved for Quake Live. That said, it's very old-school and doesn't have giant death robots in it, so Titanfall 2 is obv. better.

Just lately I got Elite:Dangerous (on the XBox, because big telly and controller), which is a nice change of pace from first person shootybang. I don't do much in the way of combat (and indeed, bought a bigger engine thing so that I could run away from trouble with even more alacrity) and enjoy just flying around, trading things, and going too fast inside space stations and getting told off for it. It's very pretty. Space is, indeed, big.

ETA: I'm also still playing Destiny 2, but gradually getting bored with it.

[Deuteronomy]

It's very pretty. Space is, indeed, big.

Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.

[Dirk]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

[Damien Thorn]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

Bit rude!

[CJ+]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

fcuking irony, right there.

[CJ+]

It's very pretty. Space is, indeed, big.

Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.

I did smile wryly when I ended up in some system or other, set a course for "Leonard Nimoy Station", and found it to be in orbit around a planet called Vulcan.

Nice touch.

[Deuteronomy]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

fcuking irony, right there.

Laugh!

[Dirk]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

Bit rude!

I guess it was, but not intentionally.

Though a lot less rude than some people are to me fairly continuously.

[Deuteronomy]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

Bit rude!

I guess it was, but not intentionally.

Though a lot less rude than some people are to me fairly continuously.

>considers<

Well, do some flash fiction!

[Dirk]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

Bit rude!

I guess it was, but not intentionally.

Though a lot less rude than some people are to me fairly continuously.

>considers<

Well, do some flash fiction!

I fcuking well will you needy bugger. But I'm cogitating (and working)

[Deuteronomy]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

Bit rude!

I guess it was, but not intentionally.

Though a lot less rude than some people are to me fairly continuously.

>considers<

Well, do some flash fiction!

I fcuking well will you needy bugger. But I'm cogitating (and working)

It was your fcuking idea!

[CJ+]

He sounds like a virgin, in fairness.

In fairness, if I didn't know better, from DaThos posts on the type and number of films he watches, plus his gaming, I would assume he was a virgin too

Bit rude!

I guess it was, but not intentionally.

Though a lot less rude than some people are to me fairly continuously.

You do earn it, though.

[Damien Thorn]

rofl!

I've got a new favourite computer game, btw: Dirty Bomb.

It's yet another free to play fps, but unlike so many others there's no death match, there's no single player campaign, and there's definitely no flavour-of-the-month battle royale.

There is only team vs team objective based challenges. It's not about kill ratio. It's not about weapon upgrades. It's all about being part of a team and successfully accomplishing objectives. You get xp for helping and guarding one another.

It's ace. It's so fast-paced that the help forums actually recommend you don't even bother aiming. Just keep moving, running, jumping, reloading and staying alive to protect your teammates.

It's free, and you can get anything you'd buy with micro transactions through pure grind and playtime. But the grind isn't a slog, it's a hoot.

I haven't enjoyed a game so much for ages and it's made me immediately bin off Fortnite, Unreal, Warface and Dying Light.

Kirbs, give it a go.

[thekungfury]

Will

[thekungfury]

Oh, I won a BR game. It was a squad game and I had some French kid on my team that had super powers whilst I just got in his way. I did get a couple of kills though so felt I contributed something at least.

[Damien Thorn]

Well done!

[thekungfury]

It amazes me how good some people are at games. It's more than just a different level of expertise, it's like psychic powers.

I'm aware of the @ninja character. Like tk says, he's impossibly good.

Apparently he’s making £350k/mth from people watching him playing a free game. I don’t even know what’s happening any more.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/insertcoin ... 8212e9140c

[CJ+]

I like Dirty Bomb also. It has very modest system reqs, too.

[stuart]

For impossibly good at games, there is this:

EVO street fighter tournament

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzS96auqau0[/yt]

The person playing as the male character has very low health and in SF even if you block you take chip damage, so he can't even block an attack without losing. (You block by pushing away from the attack)

However, you can parry. If you push toward the attack at the exact correct time (it's I think a 4 frame window), so at 60fps that's 1/15th second timing, you take no damage.

The person playing the CHung Li went into a 15 hit combo thinking at least one of them would hit. But the guy playing Ken pulled off 15 successive parries in a row, including a jumping parry then went into his own combo to win the round. I can't fathom knowing the game so inside out that you can pull off 15 parries like that.

I'm guessing when he was playing SF at that level, that was his entire life.

[stuart]

Are people playing Fornite on PC ?

Because I've been trying it on PS4 and it's impossible with a controller, like all shooting games are.